Karena sudah terlanjur bilang tahun ini mau lebih sering nulis pakai bahasa Indonesia, jadi mari kita coba. (Sebetulnya saya sih yang mau coba, pembaca sih baca aja.)

Sejujurnya tiap saya buka Instagram dan lihat update-an beberapa teman yang semangat membagi ilmu agama, menggunakan istilah-istilah islami (ukhti, akhi, antum, ana, dll) dengan aktif dan beberapa kebelet menikah muda, saya sering dilanda perasaan campur aduk antara skeptis, menghargai, lalu skeptis lagi haha.
Jangan salah, saya tidak menghakimi mereka, tidak memberi penilaian apapun karena itu hak mereka dan selama masih dalam tujuan berbagi kebaikan kenapa harus dicaci? Lalu karena penasaran, saya mencoba membayangkan diri saya sendiri yang mengunggah hal-hal seperti itu, dengan asumsi pengikut saya di media sosial jadi tahu kedalaman pengetahuan agama saya, apa yang saya lakukan untuk membuat ilmu agama saya bertambah.. rasanya kok aneh ya. Ada kesan seakan-akan saya ingin orang lain tahu bahwa saya sedang 'berbuat baik' dan saya ini perempuan yang baik-baik juga kok yang islami dan ngga neko neko. Dalam hati saya ada sesuatu yang bilang, kalau memang mau memperbaiki diri apa harus diunggah ke internet atau harus banyak orang tahu? Apa kalau saya datang pengajian atau acara dengan tema islami lalu update di internet (atau juga tidak) saya jadi manusia yang lebih baik daripada saat saya baca buku dari Osho tentang spiritualitas yang lebih universal, yang dia sendiri tidak percaya tuhan, tapi nilai-nilainya sangat dekat dengan nilai Islam? Apa taaruf lalu nikah muda lebih baik daripada bersusah payah mengenalkan Islam kepada seseorang yang masih ragu apakah Tuhan itu ada, tapi selama ini secara tidak sadar dia sudah separuh jalan menerapkan ajaran Islam?

Saya kan jadi sering bingung, saudara-saudara. (Ya iyalah, bedain akhwat sama ikhwan aja bingung lu Ra.)

Ada fase dimana saya sangat amat termotivasi menjadi lebih agamis dengan cara berusaha pakai rok kemana-mana mau pergi, kerudungnya dipanjangkan, kalau bicara dan tertawa dihalus-halusin ngga nyolot seperti biasanya, mengurangi bergaul dengan banyak teman laki-laki dan lebih sering datang pengajian. Tapi justru saya merasa itu bukan diri saya dan tidak menemukan kesadaran-kesadaran spiritual baru karena saya yang pada dasarnya pecicilan ini jadi merasa dibatasi ruang geraknya oleh yang namanya, kata orang-orang, syariat.

Setelah dibenturkan dengan masalah-masalah dan kebodohan-kebodohan sendiri, baru saya tahu bahwa semua itu memang sudah ada garisnya, aturan-aturannya, ketetapan dari Allah yang memang begitu cara kerjanya. Kalau saya menolak mendengarkan kata hati saya, yang mencoba meneriaki saya kalau yang saya lakukan itu salah, berarti saya menyalahi diri saya sendiri kan? Baru saya tahu kalau syariat itu mencakup semua-mua-muanya yang ada di alam semesta ini, termasuk kencing, mandi, olahraga, makan, tidur. Kalau saya menyalahi diri saya sendiri dengan tidak olahraga berarti saya tidak menjalankan syariat kan? Apa definisi syariat itu cuma tidak bersalaman dengan non muhrim, pakai kerudung sampai menjuntai ke lantai, dll dll?

Saya yang pengetahuan agamanya secetek kolam ikan ini sepertinya memang harus dibiarkan jatuh masuk lubang kehinaan penuh dosa dulu baru sadar wakakaka.

Tapi yang saya syukuri, saya sangat amat beruntung menjadi orang yang relatif intuitif dan spiritual. Perasaan dan insting saya sering menuntun saya menuju hal-hal yang dulu cuma bisa saya bayangkan atau malah jauh lebih baik dari apa yang pernah saya harapkan. Lagi-lagi, perasaan itu datangnya dari Tuhan juga kan. Semoga Tuhan masih sayang sama saya (dan kita semua) jadi kita masih diberi kesadaran untuk bersyukur dan selalu belajar. Kalau ada yang mau diskusi dan belajar agama sama-sama, dengan senang hati lho, asal ujungnya bukan jadi debat kusir aja.. :D 
Opini pribadi di atas jangan dimasukkan ke hati juga, bagi yang merasa sakit hatinya.. semuanya tidak dimaksudkan personal kok.

Stay positive, xx



hi again. crazy that it's almost christmas (already?!) and new year is also around the corner. when i think about 2008 i still think that it's 3-4 years ago, not 10. it means i'm officially an almost-23-year-old grown-up who is sometimes not ready to take care of her own shit and would gladly stay in bed and binge watch some movies or do yoga and drink teas all day.

the truth is, i have to move my lazy ass every morning out of bed to go to uni and on weekends to go to work and this was pretty overwhelming for me in the beginning. after 10 months of having the same routine, i kinda get used to it and even had shitty mood when i didn't have to go to work on saturday. it feels like you're a machine that is always running and when it's time to take a break you don't really know how to do it. and to be honest, the beginning of this year is kind of a blurry vision to me. i lost my weird cashier job with too little money (which is not very tragic, after all), found a new job which is my current job right now, my roommate was back after half a year away, had a life-changing love-life drama, met some assholes and some good people along the way, my grandfather passed away, had a fight with my another roommate after 2 years living together and ended up in good terms even better than before, aaaand a lot more happened. some of my closest and beloved people also moved out of the city. not to mention the never ending uni deadlines and laboratory and exams in between all of that.

there were moments where i just wanted to sit in the corner and cry my eyes out because i couldn't hold it any longer. i was always the kind of person who wants to please everybody and wants to be everybody's best friend, who wants to handle everything perfectly and i learned the hard way that you just can't. some people just want to use your kindness for their own benefits, some don't even care about your well-being as long as they're happy with themselves and some don't really know what to do and just being sympathetic because they pity you.

i also learned to really, actually, deeply love myself. self-love is the hardest thing to do, to know the right amount of self-love really is an art. after a bitter experience-i won't go into details-that i have written in a post before (about forgiving and healing), i can now say that you are the only thing you need to be happy. everything else will fall into place right after you find your peace and acceptance for yourself. and right then, you can start to give love to others who deserve or maybe don't deserve it.

i have decided that i will not regret that i have given my time and attention to the wrong people in my life. maybe it's part of the process of finding out and realizing that the right ones were beside you all along and would support you through thick and thin. i also had a hard time to be honest with myself, to finally acknowledge my feelings i have tried to bury because i didn't want to face the truth. and turns out, the truth is not so bad after all. i still feel like i don't deserve all the attention and love that i get every minute and every day from my loved ones, but maybe that's the way the universe is showing me that i, despite everything i have ever complained about, am loved.

so thank you to everyone who brought me to be where i am today. there's always the first time for everything. this year i felt the kind of heartache for the first time that made me cry three days in a row because someone i love passed away. for the first time, i found out that i can actually love someone so much it hurts to even imagine not being with them. for the first time, i was so depressed and anxious that i started to doubt my self-worth. but again and again, i found out that the universe has its own way to work things out. thank you for everyone who has hurt me and thank you for everyone who has healed me. let us all welcome the new year with a big smile and even bigger heart.









love xx
hello again.
i really wanted to start to write again but hesitated, thought it wouldn't be the best idea to publicly pour my heart out just so some stranger can read what was my roller coaster of emotion in the past 6 months. but i think if i don't just write it, i wouldn't really be able to get it off my chest. so just to be clear, i write to figure things out. to untangle the knot of endless anxiety i'm currently having on my mind.

basically i had a really hard time dealing with psychological pain in the last couple of months. i talked to a friend who had similar experience and it took him longer than what i needed to accept and let go of what happened. well we're still trying to accept and let it go but i hope it gets better as time goes by.

so all my life, i never really had problems hanging out with boys. i even found it easier to hang out with them than with girls my age because i've always had the feeling of indirect competition between girls. and i don't like it. i hate that i had to dress up and make myself pretty to impress boys. i hate that in school, the society created some kind of social pressure that you have to have boyfriends/girlfriends to be considered normal. i was probably weird, but i'm glad i didn't give in to those "standards".

now that i don't live in my homeland anymore and i am responsible for myself, i have that feeling of liberation because i don't have to fulfill that idea of what a girl should and should not do at this and that point in life. i met new people, fell in and out of love, cried my eyes out, had the best time of my life, found me new families in this home away from home..
long story short, i met someone new and thought this was probably just gonna be like any other guys i had met before, and it turned out to be my mistake to not anticipate of what came next. i kinda liked talking to him because he responded just like the way i wanted to, and he liked me probably because he was able to forget the fact that he became completely messed up from his last break up. i sort of hoped that this would stay like this for a while, where everything is fine and nobody gets hurt but it started to change as i spent the majority of my time with him and it was kind of getting really time-consuming. and so i had this feeling that this was not gonna end up good. and my feeling turned out to be true. our closeness went really wrong, turning from 'like' to 'lust' and i didn't like it. i knew it was wrong because it felt wrong and i kept doing it. he was forcing himself on me, even after i didn't give consent and when i showed unwillingness, it directly went off the rails. i decided to stop seeing him and became this empty, traumatized person. i wasn't myself, couldn't really smile nor laugh and had to meditate a lot to release all the negative energy in me. i was disappointed with myself for letting it all happened in the first place. but i also knew it took a lot of strength from me to get out of this circle. so the first thing i tried to do was to forgive myself and apologize to my body. that's where i thought would begin the healing.

i was incredibly upset, i felt used and betrayed because all my trust i put in someone was ruined. later i found out that he might be a pathological liar and glad that i was freed from this whole mess early enough. but to be clear, i was assaulted and it was not okay. i know i'm not the only one, i know there are so many who are having it worse than me. but i just never expected it to be me. i thought i was strong enough to not let boys go near me that much. the worse part was that he didn't even have that remorsed feeling and never wants to acknowledge that his doing was wrong. he checked on everybody to make sure that he's still seen as the nice boy in town. he called me things behind my back and indirectly asked me to make sure i wasn't telling anybody about us. it was terrible.

but if i let it consume me, i wouldn't be a better person. so after i decided to try to forgive myself, i tried to forgive him. even when he doesn't apologise. i needed to forgive him to make peace with myself. to finally be able to move on with my life and to let me free from this unnecessary drama. i don't even care about what people think of me, that's probably the last thing i could be worrying about.

i hate that some men have -or society makes them feel like they have- the need to prove themselves as 'men' with this girl-conquest. but you can't hate them, you can't hate society, you can't hate the person who did it and you can't hate yourself. the more i try to forget it, the more it comes back to me. so i guess the only way is to accept everything that's happened and repulse any negativity that tries to bring you down. i'm still telling myself to take as much time i need to heal because there's no right or wrong in that. i was questioning my self-worth all the time, and that's was wrong and what made me depressed. i realised i don't need anybody's approval to love myself, but in that kind of situation it was really hard. moreover when you realised you gave the right pieces of you to the wrong person.

i know in this case i generally talked about women being the victim but it could also happen to men. and i'm not trying to make myself the victim here, because it's partly my fault too that all of this happened. so yes, i could see it from a different perspective now. i tried to comprehend his past and the complexity of the circumstances of it all but it really took me a while to get there and i'm still struggling to not let it define me and the actions i make.


"Forgive anyone who has caused you pain or harm.
Keep in mind that forgiving is not for others.
It is for you.
Forgiving is not forgetting.
It is remembering without anger.
It frees up your power, heals your body, mind and spirit.
Forgiveness opens up a pathway to a new place of peace where you can persist despite what has happened to you." - Les Brown



sidenote: this post was not meant to offend anyone, but was meant to liberate myself from the anxiety and hatred it has caused me.

spread the good love guys, xx R


Setelah sebelumnya sempat sering diprotes karena jarang nulis pakai bahasa ibu sendiri, saya coba aja mungkin yaa.. haha

Sebetulnya banyak alasan saya malas menulis menggunakan bahasa Indonesia, karena salah satunya saya merasa belum bisa menulis pakai bahasa yang baik dan benar. Suka masih malu juga karena ngomong aja masih suka campur campur bahasa Inggris, malah kadang Jerman kalau ngobrol dengan sesama pelajar Indonesia yang tinggal disini. Tapi bukan berarti saya tidak cinta bahasa sendiri. Bahkan sepertinya saya terlalu cinta dengan bahasa Indonesia dan bahasa Jawa. Bagaimanapun juga kan saya lahir dan delapan belas tahun hidup di Jawa.. Sayangnya saya sempat tumbuh dengan pola pikir bahwa semakin pintar bahasa Inggris semakin kamu gaul dan kalau bisa menyelipkan beberapa kata bahkan kalimat bahasa Inggris di dalam percakapan maka semakin keren lah kita.
Itu dulu ya, waktu masih labil dan masih muda, maunya paling keren dan gaul jadi ga sudi lah dengerin D'Massiv atau ST12. Sampai sekarang juga masih mikir-mikir kok kalau mau dengerin 😁

Alasan yang kedua karena yang membaca blog saya ternyata tidak cuma dari Indonesiaaa saudara-saudara. Jadi rasanya (mungkin ini perasaan saya aja) kalau mau menulis post pakai bahasa Indonesia kok sepertinya agak egois hehehe lagi pula saya niatnya dari awal ingin berbagi cerita ke sebanyak-banyak manusia.

Jadi apakah maksud dibalik saya tiba-tiba nulis post ini? Banyak.

Beberapa orang terdekat saya suka (lagi-lagi) protes kenapa saya jarang berbagi pengalaman selama tinggal di negara orang. Karena.. sebetulnya.. saya ngga kepikiran kalau pengalaman-pengalaman saya ini lebih istimewa dari orang lain sehingga patut ditulis di blog. Untuk yang belum kenal saya, saya tinggal di satu flat hampir dua tahun bersama dua orang Jerman (satu laki dan satu perempuan), satu anjing, satu kucing, dan satu kelinci. Mereka ini sudah seperti keluarga saya sendiri, bahkan sepertinya saya lebih sayang mereka daripada adik saya sendiri (ups. ngga kok, bercanda). Mereka ini yang menghibur kalau saya lagi susah, mendengarkan cerita ga penting saya tiap hari, partner olahraga, teman makan pagi/siang/malam dan partner diskusi mulai dari politik, kultur, agama, sampai kenapa orang Jerman Utara suka makan telur yang kuningnya warna orange.
Saya pun cukup sering dapat komentar macam "kok tinggal sama cowok sih, padahal pakai kerudung." atau "ih terus kalau mau sholat gimana kalau ada anjingnya di dalam rumah??" "kan orang bule suka minum/makan babi/bawa pacarnya pulang ke rumah." dan pertanyaan plus pernyataan serupa.
Faktanya, teman serumah saya dua-duanya tidak ada yang minum alkohol di rumah. Bukan karena saya, tapi karena kesadaran mereka sendiri bahwa alkohol bukan sesuatu yang esensial. Kalau ada teman datang mereka memang bawa wine, mereka mau minum juga saya tidak ada masalah, toh ngga ada yang sampai mabuk, muntah-muntah atau ngga bisa balik pulang ke rumah. Di rumah saya juga tidak ada yang makan daging babi. Lagi-lagi bukan karena saya tinggal disitu, tapi karena mereka sayang sekali sama binatang dan kalau ngga terpaksa ngga akan makan daging :) lah, pas banget kan? Saya tidak pernah sengaja cari flat yang orang-orangnya vegetarian juga lho.. tapi saya percaya, kalau orang yang sefrekuensi akan menarik orang lain yang juga sefrekuensi.

Mereka juga partner saya dalam humanitas, bersama mereka saya akhirnya tahu bagaimana rasanya ikut demo di Jerman menuntut hak-hak untuk pengungsi, membantu orang-orang yang mencari perlindungan ini belajar bahasa Jerman, dan lain lain, dan lain lain.. Ini bukan pamrih, cuma saya rasa kalau saya tidak tinggal dengan mereka, mungkin saya ngga akan bisa berkembang dan menjadi seperti sekarang ini.

Saya merasa meskipun mereka belum percaya agama (yang satu baru saja memutuskan keluar gereja dan yang satu lagi mengaku ateis), tapi mereka sudah menerapkan nilai-nilai agama saya tanpa melihat apakah mereka akan mendapat pahala atau tidak, akan masuk surga atau tidak. Justru disitu saya iri, karena mereka sudah jelas melakukan hal-hal tersebut dengan ikhlas meskipun bukan atas nama Allah sementara saya mungkin masih ada secuil rasa ingin diganti kebaikannya oleh Allah entah itu dengan pahala atau hal lainnya. Dan saya sudah sering juga didebat dan dinilai nyeleneh oleh orang, kalau prinsip saya "sebaiknya melakukan sesuatu jangan karena surga dan neraka tapi karena Allah" itu... ya nyeleneh. Lalu saya pikir, kenapa tidak kita lakukan aja dulu dengan bismillah, urusan dapat pahala atau tidak, masuk surga atau neraka itu bukan kuasa kita lagi, kan?

Kenapa saya belajar menghormati keputusan dan kehidupan orang lain serta belajar menjadi manusia yang welas asih dan lebih baik justru dari orang-orang yang dicap oleh banyak orang di negara saya dengan "kafir"? Saya sering sedih kalau mendengar kata tersebut, bahkan menulisnya saja saya kurang suka. Menurut saya, kita sebagai manusia tidak dalam kapasitas mencap seseorang itu "tersesat", "kafir" atau bahkan "salah" karena kebenaran itu datangnya dari Allah saja. Interpretasi kita akan kebenaran itu bukan kebenaran yang sesungguhnya, itu kan hanya opini dan keyakinan kita. Ilmu saya dalam hadits dan Al-Quran memang masih dangkal, tapi kadang saya ngga sampai hati dan jujur aja, sering miris kalau orang-orang yang mungkin hatinya penuh dengan cinta dan kebaikan seperti teman-teman satu flat saya dinilai "kafir" dan harus dijauhi.. lucunya, bahkan teman-teman saya ini sudah bisa menjelaskan kepada orang-orang Jerman lain kenapa saya pakai kerudung dan bahwa dalam kasus saya, itu bukan paksaan dari kaum laki-laki seperti citra perempuan berkerudung di dunia Barat selama ini.

Rasanya saya tidak pantas dipertemukan dengan orang-orang seperti mereka. Rasanya saya selalu kurang bersyukur.. dan rasa-rasa lain yang membuat saya ingin menangis setiap selesai sholat.

Jadi kalau ada yang bertanya kenapa saya sayang sekali dengan mereka atau kalau ada yang menganggap saya terlalu liberal dengan pemikiran-pemikiran beragama saya, saya ngga mau ambil pusing lagi. Toh yang rugi mereka, karena tidak merasakan indahnya bersaudara dalam perbedaan dan kemanusiaan. Justru saya merasa, Allah terlalu baik deh sepertinya sama saya yang bukan apa-apa ini..

Kaiserslautern, November 2015 (Demo gegen Pegida)

"Dia yang bukan saudaramu dalam iman, adalah saudaramu dalam kemanusiaan." - Ali bin Abi Thalib



7 months later after my last post and here i am, just passed the cold winter winds, welcoming spring, sitting in my bed wrapped in a blanket and thinking about how things are going pretty well, actually. and also how massive difference 7 months could make really amazed me. so many things happened, i was even home in indonesia for a couple of weeks in october, had 3 different jobs in the last 6 months, met an annoying (fortunately) temporary housemate and got to know genuinely good people i'm later thankful for.

there were hard times, where i thought this might not work out or this could end up anywhere and i was betting myself that i could make it out (the odds were pretty small). beside having to make peace with everything around me, i also had to make peace with myself. self-acceptance is probably the hardest thing someone has to go through. the process to being fully content with what you are is never easy. whether it's internally or physically. 
i've had enough of looking at numbers on the scale, worrying about how much i weigh (like most girls do), where actually what matters most is that you're healthy and happy and feeling radiant. and that really, that's the last thing you should be worried of.
i'm not the touchy-feeliest girl in the world, but what i tend to do is overthink. this wave of emotions really went to my nerves. and i found out that knowing you can't be with someone you really care about hurts. like, a lot. so much that i cried my eyes out even though i strongly believe i would never cry over boys. but it's ok, when that's what was needed to let everything go. and then you realize you can't change people. they have their own minds and their own will and the most you can do is to show them how much you care and hope they'll someday find the right path. and then came the question: is what we believe, really is the right path? because right and wrong are always relative. everything becomes relative the moment you try to question it.

here's some fragments of a poetry i really love (when love arrives - sarah kay & phil kaye):

.....and love grew, stretched like a trampoline. love changed. love disappeared, slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me i thought i needed.
love vanished like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
like a flat tire, there are places i planned on going but my plans didn't matter.
love stayed away for years, and when love finally reappeared, i barely recognized him.
love smelt different now, had darker eyes, a broader back, love came with freckles i didn't recognize.
new birthmarks, a softer voice.
now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books.
love had songs that reminded him of someone else, songs love didn't like to listen to. so did i.

.....

love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict.
maybe love is always in the wrong time zone, maybe love is not ready for you.
maybe you are not ready for love.
maybe love just isn't the marrying type,
maybe love is only there for a month.
maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit.
maybe love stays- maybe love can't.
maybe love shouldn't.








Okay so I need to apologize for not writing in a long time. Way too long, actually, as I promised myself I have to write more often so I can look back on my life journey later when I get older (uni and work got really intense in the past couple of months..)

I feel like I need to talk about destiny, the moment you meet someone new, and the moment you say goodbye to them.

I don't believe in coincidence. Well, if you ask me, I believe coincedences exist... in our eyes, human's eyes. When in fact, everything happens for a reason and was already written. Sometimes all we have to do is to choose. Our choices determine our life's paths. If I didn't choose to leave home, I wouldn't have ended up here, in a small town, being an engineering student and a part-time worker, I wouldn't have met people who made me feel alive and excited about life, wouldn't have done things I didn't know I could.. So I'm glad I made that choice and I think I did that also because I'm stubborn, gotta admit ;)

Sometimes I get really frustrated thinking about the future. I'm basically a pretty impatient person and the fact that there are times where I don't have any control of the future at all is emotionally challenging for me. And also it's pretty ironic because one of my middle names is Shabrina and is the Arabic word for patience. So right now I'm a bit sad that I have to say goodbye to one of my favorite people really soon.. He's gonna be back in half a year but it's hard when you see people everday and suddenly they're not there anymore. I totally would skip the 6 months of cold and dark winter if I could. But hey, maybe all those 5-6 months won't be bad at all. Maybe our 'coincidences' would surprise us in a way that we wouldn't expect. And all these 'maybes'.. are what makes life interesting.

Oooh and this week I just experienced one of the most beautiful and magical nights in my life. My roommates and I drove to a lake just outside town, snuck in and went swimming under the full moon light. That moment was so peaceful, exciting and beautiful at the same time. Well, peaceful until Fabi walked slowly into the water as he was singing 'I'm coming like a wreeeckinng baaalll!' hahaha. The moon was shining so bright that we didn't need any flashlight to walk the dark, little paths in the forest. After swimming, we sat by the lake, wrapped in blankets and talked about funny/annoying roommates experience, culture, life, things that you wouldn't have time to talk about in daily life. You guys, if you haven't done it yet, do it! The feeling of the old leaves at the bottom of the lake when your feet touch it, the warm water, the sound of owls at night.. I love everything about it.

Imagine this lake, but at night.


So until then, folks! Just finished my first exam of this semester yesterday so I'm just gonna chill a bit and go to the grill party with other volunteers this afternoon. Have a nice time y'all!

xx

A lot of people have asked me about how I nourish my body, especially the ones who I recently met, fellow Indonesians or friends at uni. Just to be clear, I don't restrict my body to eat animal products that much. Since I mentioned in another post that I want to be vegan, I've experimented a lot with the way I eat and my body. The reason why I started to be vegetarian in the first place is because I was sick of meat. The smell, the texture, the taste. Later I found out that not only the meat being sold at the markets nowadays (especially in European markets) is not ethical, they contribute hugely to the global warming. I am a vegetarian, under circumstances I am a pescatarian (for instance at home in my parents' house, because they only buy local and good fish). But since I'm living in another place and not at home, I'm pretty happy with being vegetarian and my body is saying it's happy too!

Like I said, I was considering to be vegan and I try to eat vegan at least once a week. But it doesn't mean that being vegan is the best way to nourish oneself.
After a lot of experimenting, I came to a conclusion that my body is not reacting well to dairy products. So I cut off cow milk and switched to soy/oat/other non-dairy milk. I'm also trying to avoid yoghurt, cheese and butter but it doesn't mean that I won't eat them anymore. Just maybe once every couple of months I will eat yoghurt or have pasta with cheese.
I'm also not saying no to eggs. I almost never buy eggs since I moved to Germany. Occasionally, I eat them when my housemate brings some eggs from his house because they have healthy, happy chickens and their eggs are delicious! But other than that, I can't guarantee if the eggs in the supermarkets are really free from disgusting hormones and chemicals.
Sweets. I'm not a big fan of sweets, but love chocolate and dried fruits. I still eat cakes and cookies sometimes. You just have to know the right amount of naughtiness ;)
After trying to eat vegan for a couple of weeks, I notice that I was constantly tired. And I don't blame the vegan diet, I just think that my body doesn't need it. It wants a balanced and more nature-sourced diet, yes, but not vegan. I've done a lot of research about veganism and know that it's absolutely cool and okay to be vegan. But I love my body and I want to be as fair as I can be to myself and the Earth so I decided to always try to eat local, organic and balanced.

So what do I eat on a daily basis? I eat plenty of oats and other grains, beans, fruits, veggies (always buy local products if you can!), nut butter, bread, pasta, rice, sweet potatoes, sooo many other tasty and delicious food! I also try to stay active and to not miss meal time (especially breakfast) because it's important that your body gets the right fuel it needs.

Breakfast is probably my favorite meal of the day. Most of the time I have oats for breakfast, whether in müsli or porridge, or even home made oat bars. Sometimes I'd like to have some change and have bread with avocado instead. (I only buy spanish avocadoes because the peruvians or South Americans cost too many CO2) Here's my recipe of oat porridge. It's easy, cheap, filling and tasty!


And as always, there's no measuring amount because I just use my feeling when I cook! :D

Oats (about 80g, maybe?)
Non-dairy milk or water (double the amount of oats, depends on your liking)
Fruits (I used raspberies, apricots and banana)
Honey
1 tbsp of lucuma powder (optional)

>> Cook everything in a pot on low to medium heat, stirring occasionally.
>>Transfer to a bowl, top with more fruits and sunflower seeds.
>> Enjoy!