Yes I am currently living in Germany after the long awaited departure 6 months ago. (wow man it's been half a year since i left?!) There are a lot of moments here that I found both mind- and life-changing. I met people who I thought were nice and kind but turned out they're not. But I also met some cool and encouraging and inspiring people which I am thankful that I am allowed to learn from them, hear their stories, be part of their life..
The last 6 months has definitely opened my mind to so many things (new cultures, point of views, habits, etc etc) that my narrow mind couldn't afford to think a few years ago. Those things teach me that life doesn't just stuck in the city - and country - where I used to live if I want to give a little more effort to see the world. They also teach me that not everyone has good intentions and will treat you good or won't judge you or will guide you when you're lost. Yes, there are times when I feel unbelievably lonely. Despite the fact that sometimes watching a couple of teenager your age cuddling in front of you on the train could be a torturing sight, or a family riding bikes together on a sunny weekend makes you wish you were with your own family, I still feel so lucky. And I found that I am not completely on my own because I can always talk to God whenever I need him.
To be a Muslim and live in a western country where a lot of people are doubting whether God exists is not so easy. There are always people who ask you questions like, 'why do you wear a headscarf?', 'why don't you take it off when the weather is too warm?', 'are you a religious person?' 'why don't you go to parties?'. I might have given shitty answers to those questions because sometimes I just don't know how to explain it anymore to people who link everything with logic - while there are a lot of religious explanations you can't link with logic - so I just said, 'yeah, I think I'm pretty religious, so to say, but I guess I'm also quite liberal'. Sorry if that answer doesn't satisfy one of you but I'm not always in the mood to give long and well-thought scientific religious answer every time I get asked :/ But I wish I could, really.
And a lot of people have looked at me confused because: 1. I am vegetarian in a land where most people are meat eaters (duh, Germans.) 2. I don't drink or go to parties which again, where beers are drunk the most. 3. I don't have a boyfriend (which is seriously REALLY annoying). 4. I am 19 and decided to wear headscarf/hijab/whatever they're called (and I find being THIS young doesn't have ANYTHING to do with wearing hijab).
But all in all, this place is starting to have a place in my heart. I traveled a few months ago to Paris and I just missed Cologne, of all places. I went to Hamburg and I missed Cologne and to see the Rhine again never felt so peaceful hahaha
So, I think this post is getting too long although I still have, like, a bunch to tell about. Maybe later I could muster some courage to write again. But in the meantime, let's try to get some sleep first since I've slept so poorly in the last few days. And oh, here's a video of spoken word poetry, which I found really beautiful without being too poetic, performed by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye.