An Afternoon Thought

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Here's the thing. I didn't realize why I write at all until recently, I looked back and read my older posts and thought; I'm never good with expression. I'm not expressive nor know how to express/explain how I feel or what I think or how something happened. Through writing, I could make other people understand me better, kind of. I write to figure things out. I never really intended my blog posts or anything that I've ever written to be complimented. Even knowing that there's another person who cares enough to read something that I write made me wonder.

After I went (or attempted) to do an afternoon jog today, a thought appeared on my mind on the way home. Do I really matter to the people around me? My family? My friends? When I was away, did people actually think about me? Was I missed? Or did they feel nothing? Are they happy that I'm home? Am I a burden to them?

These questions keep coming and before I went into an existential crisis (well, an existential crisis is a bit too much, isn't it) I realized that it doesn't matter how the world see you. It's how you see the world that matters. It's how you treat people around you, giving as much as possible and never think about getting something back. Because when you start giving and doing something good, it all comes back to you. To us.

I'm a believer. I believe in God. Maybe there are people who believe in the Universe or cosmos or whatever their understanding of Greater Power. I believe that positive energy attracts positive energy and vice versa. And so far, I am blessed that I am surrounded by people who share the same vision, vibe, energy, whatever that is, with me. I didn't ask for every single one of them yet God gave me the most understanding, loving, supporting family and friends. So I shouldn't worry if people miss me or not. I feel really selfish worrying about what people think of or how they feel towards me. It's not that big of a deal after all. So here's to a more selfless future and more adventure!

Rara x


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