Hi, hello, how are you guys doing?
So today's post is gonna be one of those rambling/random thought posts since life has been really crazy these days. I never really talked about this on the blog or any social medias, but I've spent this whole year preparing for my study abroad. Wait, this might sound good for those of you who don't know me, but it's been really exhausting taking care of everything by myself. What's so bad about studying abroad? You can go to a lot of new places, meet people, travel, have a promising job after graduating, etc, etc...

First of all, you need to know that there are tons of stuff to prepare before you're going to apply. Tons of documents, translations, e-mails, and that costs not a small amount of money too. But I don't want to talk about it in details. Mainly, it's a looong and exhausting process since I don't have that much money to pay people to do things for me. And it wouldn't be good for me too since I also have to do it all by myself when I live there.

There's been many difficulties and challenges throughout the year, but I somehow managed to deal with it, thanks to friends and family who helped me. The first couple of times I encountered some problems, I went easily into stress mode. I was afraid, over-thinking and worried if it doesn't work out. Up until a couple of days ago, when I realized my visa might not be ready in time. This means I wouldn't be able to take the test needed to go to college since there's only one date for the examination. I was devastated and worrying about all the efforts I've given and how long I've been waiting for this. So many thoughts were swimming in my head, I blamed the embassy, I blamed myself, I blamed the system, I was trapped with my own fears of failing and letting people down but then I realized that it doesn't bring anything good just to blame anyone.

The only thing I can do is to make peace with myself and accept whatever is going to happen. I've given everything I could, and if it doesn't work out, maybe it's just not meant for me. Maybe there's a whole other plan waiting for me, even if it means I must wait another year to go to college. I'm so glad that in tough times, you can always tell who would stay and support you through thick and thin and who wouldn't. If plan A doesn't work, then make a plan B. I'm supposed to leave in less than a week and I still haven't got my visa, I haven't booked a ticket nor packed my things. Maybe I should start packing today, just in case ;-) So, yes, I've learnt that you just need to let some things go if it doesn't work like you want it to be and you have no power over it. Sometimes what lays in front of you is a thousand times better than what you really want but you just couldn't see it yet. Now my heart feels much lighter than before, I sometimes meditate just to clear my mind up a little bit, even if it's only for 10 minutes.

If you're having the same problem like me, if anything doesn't work out like you wanted it to be -whether it's relationship/school/life in general- know that the hard times will always pass and you'll thank yourself that you decided to forgive yourself and let it go.

My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me is never meant for me. - Imam Shafi'i.

Rara xx